I met with one of my colleagues this afternoon for a few minutes, and was very surprised with her management style.
While we were discussing which team might benefit most from a junior developer who will soon be joining our ranks, one of her employees walked in and without apologies interrupted to ask a project status question that clearly was not urgent. To my amazement, rather than telling him that she would work with him once our meeting was over, she responded in great detail to his question. As she responded, he repeatedly interrupted her. Just two weeks ago, I gave a firm No to HR on a candidate because he continually interrupted me during our interview. I cannot imagine tolerating such behavior on a daily basis.
When we allow other people to treat us with disrespect, we become a person who can be disrespected. We are diminished. As managers this is a real problem because we look weak, and when staff see us as weak then they are not quite as motivated. Most people, including myself, want to work for someone who is strong and decisive on important matters.
I have the opposite problem. Though I see myself as easy-going much of the time, when a team member is being particularly unproductive, overly stubborn, or not taking responsibility, my reaction is irritation and I can speak with a barbed tongue. This is also not the best behavior for a manager, because it is setting the wrong tone, introducing a punitive system of project management, and discourages a good exchange of information.