I am often baffled by human behavior, and not the least by my own.

Code is very soothing and truthful. It exists to serve a purpose that, ideally, provides value. It can be studied and understood. It can be written then refactored, and regression tested. Even badly-written code can eventually be untangled so that its path, however trecherous and frustrating, is revealed.

Not so with those of our species. We are a complicated mix of senses, desires, intellect. It seems the more I try to untangle the mysteries of the mind, the tighter the knots around my ankles become, and then I trip headfirst into brambles.

I am deeply flawed, more so than some people and less than others. I prefer to think that I compensate for these failings and weaknesses by playing to my strengths, in the functional manner so commonly employed by most of the people I observe around me. There are days like today, though, where I find my foundation shaken and realize that I don’t really understand my strengths, desires or instincts. It’s as if I’ve lived in the glass house, but have lapsed on housekeeping; once I wash the windows I am surprised to see something completely different, foreign and unexpected outside that changes the way the light reflects back, inside.

Still, I try again. We are, after all, animals equipped with the requisite survival instincts so I, like others before me, around me and after me, push on in debug mode.


2 responses

  1. That you recognize your flaws is strong evidence the premise in your argument may be unfounded.

  2. Perhaps. It’s easy for me to become engaged in what is happening around me. I’m not sure whether this is a strength or a failing. This is when I think of the Wordsworth’s poem that starts:

    The world is too much with us; late and soon,
    Getting and spending, we lay waste our powers:
    Little we see in Nature that is ours;
    We have given our hearts away, a sordid boon!

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